I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
