dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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