I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
