I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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