He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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