Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
