My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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