So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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