Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
