Please, let me fuck your mom
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
