So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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