It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
