I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
