So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
