how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
