Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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