dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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