Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
