Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
