So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Is it because I queefed?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
