I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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