im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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