if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
