ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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