Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
