Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
