Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
