Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
