Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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