You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
