no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
