She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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