why didn't you poke me back
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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