It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
