so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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