we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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