She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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