On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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