Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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