Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
