Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
