she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
