Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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