But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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