I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
