I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
