the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
