Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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