Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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