Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
