Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
