butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
