I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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