That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
