The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
