I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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